It seems that infidelity is truly recession-proof as couples are coming in for counselling due to affairs in greater numbers than before. A recession can contribute to an increase in stress, financial hardship and added work pressure, which no doubt can affect family life and relationships. It can lead to negative characteristics leaking into a strong relationship.

For men:

The most basic answer to why do men cheat isn’t because they want sex. Men typically cheat because they miss the feeling of being admired and feeling a woman positively responding to them. Usually with their partner they feel criticised and undermined. Men need to feel they can make their partner happy and to feel admired and trusted. Men are motivated by knowing ‘they can get things right’ for their partner.

A lot of arguments are not really about the surface things, rather they are about a woman feeling the loss of an emotional connection and bond with their man. Not enough connection feels like abandonment. In an attempt to regain a connection women complain and tell their men what they are not doing right. Unfortunately men don’t know that the complaining and criticism is actually a desire for connection. The men begin to feel they ‘can’t get it right for her’ and lose self-esteem.

Once the pattern starts, of a man distancing and a woman complaining the man can become discouraged. When he tries to do the right thing he soon gives up when the appreciation he longs for doesn’t come instantly (He should persevere!). He distances more which makes the lack of connection even worse. At these times some men are vulnerable to cheating on their partner to get a sense of self-esteem. They attempt to re-experience what it is like to have a woman’s positive attention. It’s not really about sex at all. It’s about the need to be admired.

For women:

Women cheat much less than men. They cheat as a last resort when they feel taken for granted by their partner. Women wish to feel appreciated, desired and special to their partner. Some women are more vulnerable to cheating if they have friends who cheat as makes it seem more acceptable. The key factor for cheating is that their partner has ignored their attempts to emotionally re-connect.

Women cheat because their partner doesn’t listen to them. On the unconscious level an affair is an attempt at problem solving. It’s curious how cheating partner’s unconsciously let their partner’s know they are cheating as if they want the main issue to comes out into the open. Cheating interrupts the emotional bond between two people. The break in trust hurts, shocks and shakes the betrayed partner. Often can be worked through in relationship counselling to build a stronger partnership. It’s a tough process and takes time to work through the root issues to a develop a more realistic sense of trust.